Root Cause of Perfectionism
We’ve likely all viewed perfectionism as an all-star trait at one point or another. Aiming for the best and settling for nothing less. We may think of a high-achieving student or dedicated professional at work. What exactly is perfectionism though? What’s it about and how does it happen?
Perfectionism is about control. What can change in your work and relationships when you release control but not effort?
Perfectionism boils down to a key concept: control. Ensuring you deliver at a particular caliber in order to control the consequences.
We can better understand perfectionism by viewing it with two different lenses: adaptive perfectionism or maladaptive perfectionism.
Adaptive perfectionism is positive. It is setting high standards for ourselves while also being will to confront shortcomings, modify goals, and continue striving. Adaptive perfectionism is a form of excellence and dedication to it.
Maladaptive perfectionism has the potential to be negative. This is when we set high standards for ourselves while not placing understanding or grace when we don’t meet those expectations. It’s all or nothing.
While we often view perfectionism in the work-environment, it can exist in our relationships, too.
Perfectionism in relationships can look like having high expectations for others while also lacking the flexibility to understand when they don’t meet those needs. We may not realize when and where we have these high expectations and our friends, family, and partners may not be aware of them either.
So what do we do? It all starts with awareness.
Pay attention to when you feel let down by others in your life. Is there a potential expectation you’ve set that they may not be aware of? Do they show up in different ways? Is there room to clear up the issue with enhanced communication?
Pay attention to when you feel you let yourself down. Are there certain environments that bring this out the most? What’s the most common trajectory and where is there room to revisit your expectations and recommit?
Create opportunities for imperfection. You may not be able to complete a watercolor canvas right away, but it may start with a quick 10 minute sketch in your notebook 2x/week for creativity inspiration. You may not be able to have a heart-to-heart with certain family members, but maybe it can start with one open-ended question or sharing a bit more than you normally would.
Remember, perfectionism likely served a purpose for a while. Now, you get to decide where it supports you and where it doesn’t.
If you’d like to explore perfectionism and family dynamics in therapy, schedule a consultation call here.
